dont worry about me, im just here.

ok so, heres the dish. i dont want to get off the computer because im emotional as hell. i just watched all of season 4 of the hills thus far, and i really got into it. like, i wanted to cry for LC like every five minutes. shes so strong. i dont care if its real or not. her character goes through so much, and since im constantly up in the air with all of my friends i know kinda what shes feeling. its hard to trust anyone when things are like that. and in fact, i dont really trust anyone. i feel like theres people that i talk to, but they'll probably just come and go in waves like people always do. its just stupid, and i dont like it. i wish that i had a solid crew that i ran around with and always chilled with, but thats not what ive set myself up for. i want to start over, and have a new group of friends that fits who i really am. i think that ive changed a lot since...well i dont really know when this changing took place but it did. and i cant deny it. what it comes down it is pathetic: im so lonely because i really dont have good friends right now.

so lonely, in fact, that i called the one person i knew would always love me no matter what: steven. i want to talk to him so badly right now, which is waay confusing, since ive been looking at someones facebook pictures for like an hour. im such a creeper, but im obsessed, alright? i need some interaction, but ken is like, grounded or something, stevens phone is off...and i dont even know who of the girls i would call. so goofy. im parched, but i dont want to move. and im getting a little sleepy, which means ill fall right to sleep and then wake up in what feels like five minutes and itll be time to go golfing. thats what i need right now: nothing bad for me. just a little bit of peace and a lot of sleep. i just wish i knew what was bad and what was good for me, so i could be sure to avoid the things that make me feel this way.

love, kaatie