having a boyfriend is rather pointless.

today was good, overall. actually, it was really good. we had a pony club carwash which was about the most unponyclub approved thing ever. we were washing cars in the tsc parking lot belong to [whoda thunk?] all guys. it was pretty great. me madison and erica basically just had a good time standing by the road, running across coliseum, and spraying the cars. and then there was the excitement when the power was out and we couldnt get any water. so what did we do? we shopped up tsc in the dark and put on some penguin suits and put erica in a cage and smacked eachother with paddles. we also told stories that could probably get us disowned by the pony club. but oh well. good times. and then after i helped coach a softball tryout, and had to comfort a crying girl that sucked, i went to a movie with erica. which was good. and suuper funny. like old times, i suppose, making mischif and such. and getting isocks from the gas station, talking to steven, and getting ten cheesytots instead of nine. and then getting locked out. we found some tracts in a box [which idk what they are] but one of them was like DEAL WITH YOUR GUILT and we thought that was pretty funny because of the whole steven guilting me into doing stuff. so i posed for a photo. i laughed alot tonight, which made me feel better.

because i definately had a like five minute period where that old depression, that low feeling snuck in. it feels like nothing in your life [love life, that is] is ever going to work out because of the person you are, and even though youre trying hard to make it better, its not working, only making things more complicated and horrible and so on and so forth. after seeing a romantic comedy, i kinda wished that i could date someone in my entire life that was sweet and sensitive and cute...like, the whole package. i dont really know of anyone that i would consider the whole package. most of the guys i know have like, one aspect, or two at most. i didnt think that i would ever come to this point, but im about to put my foot down. maybe i just shouldnt date anymore in highschool, or at least take a VERY long break. like, 6 months to a year, to just let me work things over and figure stuff out. find myself. realize that i dont need the first guy that comes along. because really, i dont. im loving being single right now. i feel rather free. like i can do anything i want. well, not really that. but i love that im not burdened by worry and thoughts that im supposed to be having about a boy. i can actually sleep at night because im not thinking about anyone. boyfriends used to make me feel secure, but lately im thinkin that theyre a pain in the ass. i just had a thought! im not going to have another boyfriend until that magic day when i turn sixteen and im legally allowed to date, according to my parents. well. maybe thats going a little too far. but im going to wait a while at least, and enjoy my sweet freedom.

love, kaatie