lukewarm.

i guess things turned out better than they could have, but not like i wanted them to go at all. at very least, my dad doesnt hate me. we ended up playing 9 and by the end of the round, everything was back to normal. my parents originally said that i couldnt go to zachs, but then changed their minds, but by that time it was too late. so i didnt get to see him either way. i guess thats what i get. i made the varsity golf team, which is good. but i have to get up at 6 tomorrow to register for school at 730 because we have matches all this week and theres no other time to do it, which is bad. the waking up early part, anyway. not the matches every day part, because i love those. i hatehatehate school pictures though. they always turn out bad, so why bother? because relatives have to frame them and show them to people even though they suck. dont you love old people? i know i do.

i dont like being told what i think and feel, especially by my mother who has never agreed on anything with me in my entire life. she tried to tell me that i didnt know what love was because im 15. and then she said that the feelings i had for zach were inappropriate, which only made me more mad. ugh, i dont know. im pretty sure that this is something. what else would it be but love? im a little confused. but i do know that i miss him. if things go as planned, it will have been about two weeks. that sucks. i just want to be older so parents didnt fuck everything up all the time. im so scared that one of these days hes just going to decide that its not worth it, like most guys do. that hes going to say, yeah, youre cool and everything, but im going to waste my time with someone who doesnt have crazy controlling parents who i can actually see regularly. that hes going to think that im not worth the trouble.

oh god.
love,kaatie