from an undisclosed location.

mobile, 27JUL08. 530 pm:

well since i dont have verison wireless and a sweet phone with a keyboard, i cant technically blog from anywhere but my room, which is unfortunate on days like today when i simply cannot spend anymore time with anyone. but i can take a pencil and paper and journal, which is what im doing [and now im typing exactly what i wrote. well, except this little blurb] im not a loner, but there are days when being perpetually misunderstood takes too much of a toll on me. i didnt run away, but i ran.

so im sitting on the ground in the thin woods surround by houses. not far away from my house, by far enough that i dont think ill be found or walked in on. unless i was followed. which is possible if not probable. you cant imagine how hard it was to get out of the house. and even harder to escape with this pencil and notebook! my family [parents, mostly] tries so hard to prevent me from keeping that small percentage of my sanity sometimes, i swear.

after i got out of th shower i had an unretainable urge to be alone, so of course i started to retreat into my roon, but i cound even make it those 25-odd steps acros the loft without running into jackie. i decided i would ride my bike. so i quickly changed into a t and some shorts and tossed on some sneaks, grabbed a bag and started to leave. and then i had to explain myself [purpose defeated?] 3 different times to the nosy members of my household. i mean, come on. i say im going for a bike ride and i dont want any company. im effing fifteen and a half. i can do that by myself. but that isnt enough. they all asked what was in the bag [pencil, notebook, phone]. they all asked why i would need a pencil and notebook [to write]. what would i be writing? [journaling, some thoughts, idk] what kind of thoughts? etc. as you could probably guess, by the time i actually got out of the house on my bike i was more than a little pissed. and unecessarily so.

i dont know why i want to cry right now. maybe i just need someone to see that somethings wrong, recognize the unfallen tears, and to not ask questions. to simply let me cry, and to hold me until i stop. but that person is too far away right now. well. i have to go now, because my bike ride was limited to 25 or 30 minutes. go figure.
love, kaatie