a little jaded but what else is new.

its strange. ive had so many wierd thoughts lately but nothing to say...thats a lie. i have plenty to say, but when i actually have time to sit down and just spill it all out, i cant think of any words to accuately describe what im thinking. its not like last weekend [or at least i think it was last weekend, where i could barely even talk because i was just so dumbfounded by emilio and the whole host of feelings that suddenly materialized with him] but its uncomfortable in the same way. my sanity depends on being able to talk about what im feeling so that i can understand it. and im not able to do that when i have to spend the entire weekend with 13 year old boys and my sister. ugh. hockey season has begun. the highlights of my weekend include being called a pedophile and being asked not one but three times if i went to michigan state university.

i feel a little jaded, and it might have something to do with ethan meyers [hes a part of that not so exclusive club of mine. you know, the ex's.] telling [warning?] mil that i get bored with guys easily and that im a bitch and that i go through boyfriends like no tomorrow and that if he gets involved with me, it wont last more than a week. so mil like freaks out and calls me on thursday night to find out if its true [accurate answer: probably]. of course i told him that ethan was probably just jealous, and not to worry about it. but im extremely furious. ethan meyers does not have long to live. gage said that he just wants to get back with me. AS FUCKING IF. but it got me to thinking: what if thats really what other people think about me? that im just going from guy to guy for entertainment, that i just wanna mess around and be done [although ethan definately never got any from me]. i mean, yeah i get bored easily, but thats because no one interests me. if i found someone who actually made me love them for something, someone that made me feel the way i want to feel, which is not like a freaking middle school crush. [like zach. i never got bored with him] i want to be in real love. i want a relationship that keeps in coming back day after day, someone i absolutely can not stop thinking about if i try...is that too much to ask? apparently, yes.

i need some ice cream. goodness gracious. at least i have school tomorrow. i need a hug, and i think i know exactly where i can find a good one.... ;]
love, kaatie