officially official.

its been quite a while, but honestly, im not freaking. kindof, because i broke the whole pattern of posting everyday or at least at every single oppurtunity i could, but not so much on an emotional level. probably because things are going well, amazingly. i havent felt like this before. which is extremely cliche and i realize that, but its one of those feelings that makes you want to get out of bed at five oclock and get to school early just to talk to that someone. in my case, mil. one of those feelings that lingers, and makes everything, no matter how mundane, exciting, because you know theres someone who wants to hear all about everything. someone who wants to hear every detail about your days, whos fascinated with every part of you...it really is wonderful. and i still cant believe that i found someone like that. seriously, i mentioned him in a post when i met him. and now, less than a month later....

not much happened last week, as far as wednesday is concerned at least. the poetry reading went great. school was a half day on thursday, and then me and mom and jackie chilled around the house and cleaned. my room recieved a much needed cleaning. friday, we shopped. and i got some cute stuff. then we took my dad out for dinner for his birthday, which is actually tomorrow, but hes in arizona. then i spent the night at caylins with her and steph. we watched some movies [silent hill and se7en are both scary as hell. my goodness. i dont recommend watching them without guys, which is what we did.] and chilled. then went to caylins volleyball thingy. then i had to go home by myself. but i was pretty freaked out. so i called mil, and we talked for about...4 hours. sunday, we didnt leave the house, so i had a disney marathon. alice in wonderland is so trippy. and beauty and the beast remains my favorite one, the little mermaid a close second.

monday was probably the most amazing day of my entire life. i went over to mils house at like 11ish, and we hung out til like 4. he asked me to be his girlfriend, so we're definatly official :] ohhh wow. get details from me if i love you. all i can say is wow. i think i found a keeper. hes just so amazing, and it was so unexpected. i found something good.

yesterday and today; school. ive been quite keyed up, so i havent been sleeping that well, but i think its a good thing. because ive been lying awake thinking happy thoughts about someone that i may or may not love but definately have some strong feelings for. yknow. halloween is the day after tomorrow, and apparently im too old to trick or treat so i think that mil is coming over here to pass out candy with me. then, arrianas party on saturday. im definately pumped. and i know i say this kind of a lot, but damn, my life is good.

love, kaatie

trend.

your new trend is such a disaster
dont try and fool us with pretentious laughter
i think i can see but its not very clear
i know you know what happened here
death cab comes, quick bolt the door
bloody kleenex all over the floor
glorified and glamorized
try and forget their sunken eyes
its on your hands and heres a tip
we dont care if youre really hip
you said shoot up, come fly with me
the habit wouldnt set them free
you models are beautiful, dont get me wrong
emaciated junkies have been in all along
down your runway, hell comes faster
your new trend is such a disaster.

critique?

preforming artist?!.

ohhemmgee! tonight is ms ococks poetry reading at firefly coffee house. im waaay effing pumped. a band is going to be there, called dark room. apparently its ms ococks friend from college or something, and hes tight as HELL. not even joking. he was in english class today to talk about music and poetry, and i thought i was going to die. literally. its a damn good thing that i sit in the back of the classroom. for one, he was a ginger. with amazing hair.. second only to travis's, but sexy FO SHO. i just wanted to like, run my fingers through it. for two, he had great style. like, he just looked cool. and then...oh my god his voice. check them out on myspaceee, hes tight. im so glad that im in honors english. AND his favorite band is death cab for cutie, because of ben's amazing lyrics. so basically, it was the best class, not only english class [exageration, yes. but still] ever.

so im nervous for this whole reading thing. i mean, i love to write, and i know im good at it [uhh, yes, concieted] but like, i like to think of myself as a visual artist. i mess around on the guitar, but im by no means a musician. but, in spite of nerves and apprehension, i shall overcome. :D ill post my poem next. things with mil are going splendidly. we actually hung out today, even though it was before school. but still, it was time together.

it was a good day.
love, kaatie

a little jaded but what else is new.

its strange. ive had so many wierd thoughts lately but nothing to say...thats a lie. i have plenty to say, but when i actually have time to sit down and just spill it all out, i cant think of any words to accuately describe what im thinking. its not like last weekend [or at least i think it was last weekend, where i could barely even talk because i was just so dumbfounded by emilio and the whole host of feelings that suddenly materialized with him] but its uncomfortable in the same way. my sanity depends on being able to talk about what im feeling so that i can understand it. and im not able to do that when i have to spend the entire weekend with 13 year old boys and my sister. ugh. hockey season has begun. the highlights of my weekend include being called a pedophile and being asked not one but three times if i went to michigan state university.

i feel a little jaded, and it might have something to do with ethan meyers [hes a part of that not so exclusive club of mine. you know, the ex's.] telling [warning?] mil that i get bored with guys easily and that im a bitch and that i go through boyfriends like no tomorrow and that if he gets involved with me, it wont last more than a week. so mil like freaks out and calls me on thursday night to find out if its true [accurate answer: probably]. of course i told him that ethan was probably just jealous, and not to worry about it. but im extremely furious. ethan meyers does not have long to live. gage said that he just wants to get back with me. AS FUCKING IF. but it got me to thinking: what if thats really what other people think about me? that im just going from guy to guy for entertainment, that i just wanna mess around and be done [although ethan definately never got any from me]. i mean, yeah i get bored easily, but thats because no one interests me. if i found someone who actually made me love them for something, someone that made me feel the way i want to feel, which is not like a freaking middle school crush. [like zach. i never got bored with him] i want to be in real love. i want a relationship that keeps in coming back day after day, someone i absolutely can not stop thinking about if i try...is that too much to ask? apparently, yes.

i need some ice cream. goodness gracious. at least i have school tomorrow. i need a hug, and i think i know exactly where i can find a good one.... ;]
love, kaatie

tagged.

:o i got tagged by almostjade. that means people are reading my blog. which makes me intensely happy. so im writing this, like, bouncing up and down. with excitement.

WISHES
1) for things to work out with emilio
2) to have enough money to get my fashion fix
3) to find friends that are mature and do not add to the stress in my life
4) to marry travis clark and have a ginger child :]

DESTINATIONS
1) New York City
2) Haiti
3) London
4) Madrid

CAREERS
1) fashion design
2) music industry
3) journalism
4) photography

AT THE STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN, GODS GONNA SAY
1) hey katie,
2) we have plenty of people that are eager to meet you,
3) because of the things you did during your life
4) youre about to have a great time

VICTIMS
1) hashbrown
2) jbaby
3) aren
4) jocelyn


love, kaatie

times like these.

whoa hey. im a little bit spazzed out todaybecause of the PSAT and last night being, well, basically one of the best nights of my life, EVEN THOUGH my math homework took me all of like four hours and i only got like five hours of sleep because my stupid hair was in stupid rollers. but it turned out cute so im happy. kinda. i hate wearing my hair curly most of the time because i think it looks dumb but everyone else says its cute. i took a photo and when my computer moves back upstairs when i regain custody of it in like 3 more weeks, ill upload it. but anyway. back to last night.

everyother tuesday is layout night, so of course, that set the tone for the most amazingest evening. so i went to the newspaper room, with karri and mil [:)]. so i was like, working on my math, and me and karri were making fun of mil because he doesnt speak like any spanish at all and were both really fluent. obviously we were talking about him. and about how hes whipped, pre-relationshiply. so then karri disappeared, and me and mil hung out for quite a while. then we went to the vball game to watch caylin. and then i realized that bri anderson [who hates me with a passion] and liz jones [mil's ex :o who, if she didnt hate me before, probably hates me now] are both on the volleyball team. and sure enough, mil and i were recieving death glares from both of them. i thought it was funny then, but now i sorta feel bad. a little. because it would have been a little like zach going to a golf match and then being all over taylor. OUCH. but they only like went out for a week and that was like a month ago, so its not quite as bad. but what can you do? im not smart enough to do something like that on purpose. then mils older brother derek came to pick them up, and lemme just throw this out there: if mil turns out like derek, then we will certainly be getting married because my GOODNESS that boy is CALIENTE. oh man. then, well, i think we all know what happened next. the second was better than the first :]

its a different kind of like right now, and im slowly starting to figure out why mil isnt like the other flames this year. for one, he knows how things operate, and i think he values space like i do. but in that, he doesnt let anyone, myself included, that hes completely crazy about me. hes adorable. at first, i thought that him being a master at making my heart race made him also a master player, but not anymore. not after orin and andy both told me that he talks about me constantly. he just makes me feel comfortable around him, and more importantly, comfortable with myself. looking back, im not sure that zach ever made me feel like that. in fact, im starting to think that all of the feelings i had for zach were partially imaginary. because we really didnt see eachother that much for me to be that 'in love' with him. i dont want to let those feelings go, but i know that i can now, because i found someone that makes me really feel like that. for real.

its times like these that make this rollercoaster worth riding.
love, kaatie

i got kissed under the stars.

im baaack....did you miss me? well, actually, im definately not back because im definately still grounded, but i had a very interesting weekend so ill take a few minutes from my intense review writing for the charger to talk about it. i missed my blogging more than ever as i sat around feeling very apathetic and so confused after friday night. not that it went badly...contrarily, it was amazing. well, mostly. ill get to that in a minute. but the feelings i had...i wish i could have documented them. because im sure that ive never felt like that before. it was so wierd, because the way i was thinking was so removed from what i was feeling. and then this morning, they totally completely shifted on me. like, one of those 'was i really thinking that or was i imagining it?' kind of deals.

friday night was...amazing. i wont bore you with the details [but if you ask me, i just might telll you the juicy parts ;)] overview: we watched the STUPIDEST movie ive ever seen im my life, called session 9 about a crazy guy, i think. the plot was so confusing and all over the place that i didnt even totally understand what went on, except that the one guy killed all the other people because he was insane and the voice in his head [whose name was simon...i did pick up on that. simon also liked in this dead girl's head and made her kill her brother and parents. i think. that was just kindof in the movie randomly.] it was rated R, but im not exactly sure why. really, the only thing that happened was the kid was rolling a j and they said fuck like twelve thousand times. so who knows. so then the movie ended and me and mil decided to just go like, walk around outside. so we walked around in pine valley for a while, just talking and such. it was quite romantic, if i do say so myself. then we chilled on some random person's swingset and looked at the stars. and then [for those of you that cant see this coming] he kissed me :]

well, then we got back to stephanie's house, and caylin was PISSED like whoa, and i got attacked because caylin doesnt have a boyfriend [i maintain that i also do not have a boyfriend, at least right now] and shes lonley, blah blah blah...what was i supposed to do? that was definately a wierd conversation, but whatever. i have a plan, which i will most likely share when things are settled. all that needs to happen is steven needs to stop being an ass, and then things shall be good. but even all that didnt ruin my friday. i dont think anything could, really.

the confusion is basically unjustified and stupid, so i wont even go there.

the rest of the weekend was emotional nonsense. jackie had three games, so i went to those, but basically did nothing. i finished the colored pencil drawing, and it looks absolutely terrible. i hate it. i got an eighty five though, and that was suprising. at least i dont have to work on it anymore. i wrote a kickass poem for english class. and newspaper was good. me and karri just talked about things [trevor and mil, haha. duh.] and laughed alot. tomorrow is layout night, which makes me happy.

love, kaatie

quick, before someone comes home.

no one is home right now except for me and the damn bird. my dad and sister went to hockey practice on the other side of town, and wont be home for another hour and a half. my mother is somewhere around indianapolis for a trace adkins concert. i used to find the fact that she went on these three day concert excursions mortifying, but now its only mildly embarassing. not that i like, tell people though. idk. but anyway, that leaves me here to play music as loudly as i please and draw and get on the computer to tell you all about my day. arent you lucky?

well actually, today was pleasant. spanish went quickly, and it was remarkable, except i had to be partners with ethan for an actividad and it was awkward. but you know me, or maybe not....i stop at nothing to resolve an awkward situation. which basically means i babble endlessly about things that do not matter whatsoever and that makes things even more awkward and soon things go disasterously. anyway. then i had drawing, during me and sean and jessi made a giraffe and a trophy and a tree out of our erasers. it was quite intense. there was also a highly inappropriate conversation across the room about the acid levels in someones moms vajayjay. and mr kilmer was a bit wierded out. but that is typical of carroll art classes, i suppose. its no worse than our convos with mr mcfarren last year about such topics as drugs, parents, rebellion, and relationships. newspaper....oh god. the unmentionable boy heard me and karri talking about mil and he immediately got all pissy. which definately means that he had feelings for me, which is BAD. bad to the twelve thousandth power. bad bad bad timing. like whoa. i honestly have no idea what to do. suggustions would me greatly appreciated. in seventh period, ms ocock assulted us with a suprise test. just grand, right?

basically, things with mil couldnt be better. were gonna go to stephs tomorrow to watch scary movies. and im pumped. because i think that something may happen :D

love, kaatie

who even knows.

OH SNAP. its been too long. i didnt realize how completly dependent on this i am...i really really do need an outlet or else sporatic thoughts bounce around in my head and i cant sleep at night. but im grounded, so posts will be few and far between for the next, well, month. its so very unfortunate that i wont be able to tell the world about my conquests for twenty eight more days...i do rather hate being grounded. it sucks. since like, now that i dont have anything else to do, my teachers have been giving me virtually zero homework. so basically, i sit around and chill. and play tetris on my calculator.

my hair is amazing. absolutely incredible. its short...barely touching my shoulders. its mostly red, with big random peekaboo blonde highlights underneath. very layered, with relatively short side bangs. that can be made into the kind that go straight across. its sweet, especially because short hair can be styled so many ways...its sorta overwhelming, actually, to someone that has never gone beyond the simple mousse, dry, and straighten. its edgy. i feel like it totally captures my personality. and thats what everyone else says. honestly, i think the only person who doesnt like it is ashley prindle. but thats probably because shes hatefully jealous of my bangin bod, talent, brains...taste, style...ability....and about everything else. silly gossiping fool. oh, and my parents. i think. they acted awfully angry for liking my new look. thats why im grounded. because i guess i didnt follow the chemical process restrictions while i was getting my hair done. and i gave them sass. but whatever, at least i have cool hair. allyce said that she just made this style up in her head, which means that no one has it. mission accomplished.

im not sure about the unmentionable boy and his feelings. like, it seemed like it was going somewhere for a while, but i might have imagined that. so im just going to like, see where that goes, but not really pursue it as much. newspaper is mostly filled with talking to karri about emilio these days [emilio was previously nicknamed million, but since were practically talking now, i feel as though his name can be used]. hes adorable and such...not straightlaced at all, but he has a cleancut, preppy style. maybe not my fave, but at least he has style. totally cute. hes the only guy ive ever like that pulls off short hair really well. so im going to see where that goes...weve been spending virtually all free time together at school since we met last thursday night. sitting together at lunch and stuff...and he walks me to all my classes. its cute. i just dont know though...it seems so in reach that it scares me. do i really want to be in love again? has it ever worked out before? the answer is no, for anyone that felt like debating my rhetorical question.

who knows whats going to happen while i cant tell you all about it. its depressing to think about...ill post when i can.
love, kaatie

music hunter, yours truely.

i think that i might have a new interest. not love interest, which might suprise people, since it seems like thats all ive been talking about since zach and i broke up over a month ago. my goodness, it seems like its been way longer than that. but anyway. this is not a post about boys or relationships. because its saturday and i talked to zero boys today. and thought about them only a little bit, i confess. nothing conclusive. BUT ANYWAY.

new interest: well actually old interest, but ive never seriously considered it as a career. but the music industry! my goodness, how cool would it be to work for a record company, like street team or something. or go on tour with bands and work in merch or promotion or something? i seriously think that that would be among the coolest careers ever. i got a taste today, when this band called stealing jane messaged me on purevolume. i gave them a listen, and really liked them. so then the guy, bryce, asked me if i had friends that would be interested [of course i do, and those friends are also avid name droppers. so even better]. i told him yes, and then thought of something else...podcasts! i never got a response from FBR on the friday night boys [im not sure how i feel about that] so i havent done a music review yet. but i figured that an unsigned band like SJ would love to be featured on something like that, to get their music out. so i asked him, and he was like YES PLEASE DO, which made me feel ultracool and super excited to be on the charger staff. i sent him a couple questions, and hes gonna send me some background info and some unreleased tracks to listen to and play in the podcast...whoa its intense. wouldnt it be intense to make a name for myself as an online band promoter? i do love finding bands with new sound that beg for a fan base...its all i can do to help them out. its my new quest.

epic haircut is tomorrow. tonight, i go to caylins to chill and whatnot. it shall be enjoyable as always, im sure. man oh man, life is good right now.

love, kaatie
[buy stealing jane's album on cdbaby or itunes!]

sneak attack.

you know that you're a complete loser nerd when you sit around and play games on your calculator in sweats at nine pm on friday night. yes, i qualify. but i think i needed a night to just sit around and chill. i went out last night, so i guess it might be alright. and i have that stupid art project to finish. but every time i start working on it, i just get mad and quit because it sucks and i just want to light it on fire. mr kilmer said that my portrait is good enough to win an award in the scholastic art competition after christmas break, so id much rather be working on that than a stupid piece that i actually AM going to light on fire after its graded. because i probably wont get higher than a B on it anyway. so whats the point? well, by now, im at the point where im just kinda coloring it. i officially do not give a damn anymore.

i hate when you think you know how you feel about something/someone, and then you do a suprise attack on yourself. you're just bopping along, being, say, lovesick over someone, and things are going great. then WHAM out of nowhere! comes someone else. and then you cant even decide what to do! like, the unmentionable boy was all i could think until i started talking to this new fellow [codename, million. just go with it. when i figure this out, ill let you know his real name and it will all make sense.] it was like, so wierd, too. because i just met him like yesterday. but he told karri that hes totally into me. and he sounds completely adorable, from what ive heard. soo. yknow. im just a little like, confuzled right now...

like whoa, im tired. i think im going to go to sleep, and maybe tomorrow do some serious thinking. and some serious golfing, with my daddy. then some serious saturday night churching, then to caylins! to get my hair did! im sooo excited. you dont even know.

love, kaatie

general school day, with flirtation.

school was fast today, and i dont really know what else. in newspaper, i spent a great deal of time talking to the unmentionable boy and dustin, the business manager. it might be silly, but talking to such persona, them both being seniors, makes me feel kinda special. well, flirting with the unmentionable boy is always exhilirating. especially since he flirts back :] humm...dustin from newspaper is kinda creepy. im not sure that i like him that much, as far as newspaper friendships go. he makes comments that make he think that he likes me, which will be really wierd if i go out with the unmentionable boy. but oh well. i was looking at some old pictures of him on facebook, from when he was a sophmore. he was actually really cute then! so im like, uhhmm...what happened? i really like last day of the production cycle thursdays, which mean a full block period of just walking around and talking to people. wandering the school, if i wish. not that i want to leave the pub room. but you know.

i went to the school play, and it was quite adorable. i was with karri, and one of her other friends, and her stepbrother, whose in my grade. i was a little suprised when i talked to him, because hes like, reallyreally nice and such. and idk. nice. thats really all that happened.

love, kaatie

fast times

lets see. today flew by, even though today is wednesday and i hate wednesday. my tests were easy enough, i suppose. i pretty much just played tetris on my calculator all day, which was amusing. the unmentionable boy [kudos to janna on the code name!] said hi to me TWICE in the halls, even though we didnt have a class together today. it was pretty intense. steven and i are having a...situation, if you will. im not so sure that i like it, but then again, i cant seem to get it off my mind. so there you have it. i guess somewhere in my twisted, manipulative little brain, there are some unknown feelings for steven. they can stay locked away in their dusty corner thought, because ill have none of that. he WAY isnt my type. my type is hipster, fashionable, busy, smart, talented. steven is none of those.

after school me and my mom and jackie went to the vera bradley sale preview at the coliseum. there was no fights, because apparently the people who buy tickets [like my mom and myself, because we are terrible about these events, who managed to walk out with $250 plus worth of bags] are more cultured. i did see a fight once, and it was probably the best experiance of my life. two women were like beating eachother for a messenger bag. THE LAST ONE. ohh man. but anyway. i kinda hate vera bradley, but i found this one bag in this one color that might be kinda kitsch. possibly. but whatever. the sale is fun, like a secert agent mission with a giant pink shopping bag among rows and rows of stacks of bags. there was an oddly large number of males working there, but they were actually like, really hot. i was impressed. i purchased three adorable golf gloves, a cargo sling, a change/ID wallet thing, and another zippy type article, all in a color called mod floral.

love, kaatie