things i never want to be.

there are some things i would never like to be. one of them is fat. seriously, if any of you notice that in my facebook pictures that im starting to look a little porky, let me know immediately! and then stab me with an ice pick in the back of the neck. and then promptly put me on a diet. other things on the list never to be is repulsive in any way, shape or form. and never to smell, with the exception of after hockey games/practices, because if i dont smell like sweat after hockey, it means i didnt sweat, and if i didnt sweat, i didnt work hard enough. i also dont want to acquire a straight up bad reputation. like, i know that my ways make people talk, which is hilarious because of all things im definately not a slut, no matter how many boys i talk to. but i dont want to be labeled as a loser or something. unless that label contains the words arrogant, pretentious, or something else of that nature. because i definately am. i dont know, thats probably why i feel like i have to get this out there: if i was nasty, i dont know how i would be able to go on! seriously, if people smell or are really fat, other people remember and talk about it. or at least, i know i do. and i dont want to be talked about like that. plus, it would be such a waste of my charm and good looks if i was gross, dont you think?

my facebook account is unavalible right now, which is annoying. who knows, thats probably a sign that i need to get up off my ass and get the driveway snowblown, since it snowed like two inches last night. i dont mind so much; i would prefer real winter to the puss winter with slush and lukewarmness anyway. or maybe its a sign that i need to get offline and study for my chemistry final, which looms over my head scarily. todays finals included algebra II, which wasnt so bad i guess, and fashion, which was super easy. you know. i used to think i was a good test taker, but not so much anymore. i hate taking tests, especially ones in math and chemistry. i work so slowly, i never have time to finish, which frustrates me because i feel like if i could get the damn things finished, i could get a halfway decent grade. but no. i hate those classes so much, but i discovered that i have at least one friend in both of them next semester.

thats decent, i guess, except my friend in chemistry happens to be tevyn, and i dont care what my instincts tell me, that is not good. im making a logical case with myself to never talk to that kid again, because honestly, he means trouble. its not that i like him, really. i know that about ninty percent of what he says to me he doesnt mean, and what he does mean, he's only telling me because he wants to get in my pants. im fully aware of these things, but i talk to him anyway. and whats worse: i look forward to talking to him, and sometimes i text him first. believe me, i confuse myself with such actions also. but its like, ive never known someone who has such an addicting effect to me like that. he draws me in and makes me want to keep talking to him. he makes the utterly impossible things he proposes sound like no big deal. AND he makes it seem like he's supremely attractive and like im extremely stupid for not wanting him. i do want him though, at least a little bit. because for everything thats wrong with him [the fact he wants me to cheat on mil, the fact that he's already hooked up with at least two other girls at carroll, and theyre both in show choir and theyre both disgusting, the fact that hes in showchoir himself, the fact that he dresses awkwardly sometimes, his bad hair] we still have things in common and he still has those magical blue eyes...and he's still a total womanizer [excuse me while i sing, that song is stuck in my head.] i guess the bad out weighs the good, but that doesnt make me like him any less. possibly because im an idiot?

oh well. i have to study. more later, or tomorrow.
love, kaatie