dont call me a whore.

DECEMBER 23, 2008. 11:51 PM
its really frustrating that i have to take my computer downstairs at night, because its damned hard to blog when i dont have such a device to blog on. And during the day, i never feel like i have anything to write about. After i say goodnight to my parents and turn off the lights is when im assulted by emotion on most nights. but then again, writing it all down manually works fine too. i guess as long as my devoted fans [eye roll] get told about my troubles, its all good. since i know soo many people read this [*insert sigh] oh well. i still get a nice release from this, a writer's high, if you will.

there are a couple of tings that seem to be clouding my thoughts that should be merry, since in 3 mintues it will be christmas eve. it doesnt feel like christmas though. what it feels like is a nightmare. the major characters in said nightmare are myself, tevyn, and steven. all people that usually cause me trouble, i know. but with so many things going on so quickly, and at the same time, everything feels a little dreamlike and surreal. its not good, because i think that might be because im feeling a little guilty. but ill get to that in a minute.

okay so, i want to talk about steven first, because thats what fresh on my mind, it seems as though he's my only solid friend, and thas kinda stange, but whatever. but last night, he called me to tel me that he was "the only imperfect thing in my imperfect life." at first, i was upset, sad, and whathaveyou. but the more i think about it, the more i realize that he is the BIGGEST attention whore ive ever met in my entire life. i know because whenever he bitches about how much his life sucks, i bend over backwards to try and fix it. and do i ever get repaid with anything? i think not! i dont even get loyalty. as soon as he gets a girlfriend, he decides that he doesnt need me. dumb fucker. ill have none of that, i fully intend on telling him all this next time i see him, and i honestly dont care if he things im a bitch. it really has to be done, or else hell never realize that he needs to quit complaining and GROW UP.

now tevyn: ohhh goodness. yesterdat we were texting and he [not me] suggested that we watch a movie. except, he meant at his house, just the two of us. and his film suggestions were even sort of erotic: sweeny todd and moulin rouge. so i decided that it would be better if we went to carmike and actually saw a movie in theatres. so i recruited parker and erica to go see yes man with us [it was dumb, not that funny] so we went. it was eerily like a double date, except it was a mearly for fun, friendly outing. to me, at least, since me and tevyn are not dating. we talked alot, before, during, and after the movie. about almost everything, including beliefs and religion, which i hardly talk about with anyone. not even mil, as of yet. there was no physical contact, though he tried to kiss me a few times during the movie. i kind of wanted to at the time, but im SO glad that i didnt. the chemistry we have [or it seems like we have, anyway] is addicting and exciting, but i know where to draw the line. and kissing is definately across that line. going anywhere at all might be added to across the line very soon. i did decide that i want to give him a shot eventally though. i think itll be good. the hired help at arbys thought we were a couple, which was ironic in a bad way but funny at the same time. ah, well. at least it seems like ive gotten my fix for a while. i wasnt as impulsed to text him today. ugh. i really am terrible.

so as you can see, i happen to be a very fucked up individual. if you must comment, dont tell me that im a dumb whore. i already know that.
love, kaatie