i never cease to thrill.

i discovered, much to my surprise and probably the surprise of many others, something about myself today: i am a commitmentphobe. the feeling hit me all at once. but when i think about it, long term relationships have never really been my thing. when i think about it, after the guy and me actually sit down and talk about being official, things change. for me at least. and thats why it always feels like relationships change the second that they start for me, i think. when we're talking, everythings fine. because im not scared, then. but then WHAM all of a sudden, were together. a couple. we have to do everything that that horrible, nasty word entails. not that i dont like being in a relationship. deffffinately not that. i love the feeling of being loved, and being in a relationship give me some amount of tangible security, i guess. but i dont like all of the things that couples think theyre supposed to do. like, for instance, celebrate 1 month anniversaries, and spend every waking minute together. talk every passing period. you know, all the formalities and such...i dont know. i just think its wierd. does this even make any sense to anyone? i just like things to be the way they are before things are labeled, i guess.

which brings me to the point of my story. today, mil stayed after school with me to keep me company during layout night. and after a while of just staring at my homework, we decided to go mess around somewhere [carroll high school has many amusing locations to do such a thing, you just have to search for them. and always be on your toes. you never know when a janitor is going to pop out of no where!] so we went on that little jaunt and ended up coming back down the stairs by the room where the newspaper staff was chilling, holding hands and just like, talking. and this one girl was like, "WHOA what were you guys just doing?!" and im like, "uhh, nothing abby." because shes wierd and i dont think ive ever talked to her in my life. and then she said "well, you never know. but nine months later..." and i was just like, ok. thats wierd as hell. so we were sitting in the newspaper room by karri. so later i said something about us being in a crowded room, so maybe such pda was not wise, and he was like, why? your my girl. and that really made my day. thats what relationships should be about...not labels or commitment. just solid feelings, trust, and that tingly feeling i get every time he touches me. :]

ELECTION DAY = OBAMA'08
love, kaatie