say swear?!

fuck my life, wow. i guess i just stopped writing on this, but now i need somewhere to write and microsoft word just isnt cutting it. today was absolutely crazy wierd, in the worst way possible. i mean, its not like what happened was a big deal. just kidding, thats a LIE. today i broke up with emilio. yeah, i didnt think it would happen either. so i guess i should give an overview of the last month and a half, so all of this makes sense. just kidding, it wont make sense because it doesnt even really make sense to me; the whole situation is blurred together and i dont really know what to make of it. OH and: im approaching this blog with a whole new attitude. im done looking for comments, trying to get people to read this, feeling like a reject when no one does. because honestly, im done with all of that narcissitic bullshit. ive come to terms with the fact that no one cares. but read all you want, by all means. okay. enough second person.

so for the most part, after christmas, me and emilio were fine. as in, there was no fighting or insecurity. about a month ago, i turned sixteen. newspaper, school, the new semester, everything was going smoothly. i still suck at chemistry, unfortunately. blah blah blah, i work out four times a week and my body is amazing, life was basically uneventful...AND THEN WHAM! a few weeks ago, at least i think...it may have been two or three, i started talking to kyle rich. oh yes, the very same kyle rich mentioned a few posts ago as a douche bag. well, not so much. as it turns out, hes probably the most amazing kid ive ever met. he may hang out with dumb popular kids, but he certainly isnt dumb. he wants to go to journalism school, he likes great music [i know this because im currently listening to his ipod :D], plays baseball, is into politics and movies and music, ugh, i could go on and on. he and i hit it off, i guess you could say. i guess its easy to gather that i have a crush on him. did i mention that the feeling's extremely mutual? no? well, yes.uh, hello fifth period scandal, hello pissy bob ahlersmeyer that a certain pair of staffers suddenly cant stop talking to eachother, hello allnight text conversations, hello AWKWARNESS with emilio because sadly, kyle suceeds in almost every way that mil fails. so basically, what it came down to was me getting sick of being fake and needing to put an end to it, because my feelings for kyle just seem to intensify as time goes on. anyone else smell a new relationship? yes, i think so too.

so i guess i should feel bad about breaking up with emilio since its like three days after valentines day, but if i said that i felt bad and was all torn up about it, i would be lying. and i dont like to lie, ive had enough lies in the last week to last me a lifetime. so, quite simply, i was done and overwith after vday. too much faking it. he took it rather badly, too. but the funny thing is, i acted like i was going to think it over tonight, but he just sent me a bitch text after school to say its over. a text, really? but i guess im down since he did the dirty work. blech, too much shit is going on right now to really get a good nights sleep, but i feel obligated to try. i may just end up jamming to kyles ipod all night long. god, i love how he handed it to me after school. it was absolutely adorable. because ive never listened to nirvana, he said he was going to burn me a cd. but his jank computer refused to burn it, so he made a playlist. so he gave me the whole thing, with his adorable smile and a little comment, something like, i know youll take good care of her, take this tonight and listen. sweet gesture.

WHY AM I SO EASY TO MELT?
love, kaaite